Psalm 19
a song for when I’m terrified
In the middle of the night I
Had a heart attack and
I survived which are two
Things infrequent that is
To have the attack at night
And to wake up
I wasn’t scared then just
In great pain a pain I
Could not identify since
My heart had never been
A doctor’s concern so
I waited for it all to go
Away the pain the stone I
Felt upon my chest I even
Tried to go back to
Sleep and nothing went
Away things got only worse
I tried to count off what this
Might be bronchitis pneumonia
Or simply being too tired from
The semester’s work
The famous ache you see was
In my right arm not the left
So I knew it could not
Be that even though it
Was and as the sun was rising
I heard noises in the hall
Crawled to the door and opened
It and croaked a request to
Whomever in the hall
That could they there were two
Dial 9-1-1 for me and even had the
Presence to suggest this might
Be a heart attack after all
Here’s what I felt though
Through the whole of me in addition
To the pain a sense that I was
Dying and if so that I should
Let it go my tightening scrapping
Stabbing hold onto life
One word came to mind as if
I were hearing from outside
Though I was the only one
There and that word was
Relent
I don’t feel that now and take
No present comfort from that word
I think it was evoked to
Make me ready to make me
Less afraid as I felt more
The imminent loosening of this
Life in fact a relenting
It felt sad and serene at the
Same time
I like it here and do not want
To leave but I do think that
That word will come back
Relent
clcouch123 
December 29, 2015 at 11:51 pm
Hi Christipher. Happy New Year (almost). I read on one of your comments of my recent posts about your heart condition. I’m sad for you, and I hope your heart stays strong. I know my teeth are of no comparison but my dentist says I’ll have dentures if I don’t wear my night guard every night. What I’m trying to say it is difficult when we expect our bodies to be and act a certain way and they don’t. It’s like a betrayal.
The word ‘relent’ which has much meaning for you seems like a dangerous word. On one hand it feels like your giving up, and on the on the other hand, it feels like you are doing it for good reasons, to be with our Heavenly Father.
I don’t know how old you are but I know it’s hard to fight, especially when you were in such pain. And even though Dylan was not a Christian, I think that if we have a chance at descent life we should ‘rage against the dying of the light.’ One day you are right, you will relent. But take courage, not yet. Thanks
January 5, 2016 at 4:32 am
Hi, and Happy New Year to you! The end of the year was something of a rush for me (because it takes me longer to do most things). But I did read your words and pondered them in my heart, truly, while I was away. Actually, my sister who had not seen me since I had the last operation said I looked and acted much better than before. I can’t tell, but she could. The new arteries I have must be doing their job.
Actually, I think the treatment of your teeth is vital. And I’m glad and relieved you are taking care with your teeth. As I’m sure you’ve been told, their health connects to the vitality of the rest of the body’s health. So Yay! for any progress.
Yes, relent is a strange word to apply. It came to me while I was realizing the prospect of fatality from what I was experiencing. Now I have little interest in the word or what it might represent. For me, at any rate. I am in my fifties and had my first attack at forty-six. Then this past summer, several years later. Apparently, I fight hard. As I said, I like it here. And whatever the challenges, my aim is to keep going. Dylan is so right about that.
No, not yet. You’re right. I have no interest in that. Someday when the relenting might be permanent, I might meet an angel who will say, Why do you look surprised? And then say, Oh, right, you’re the one who kept trying so hard not to be here. Well, uh, good for you.
Thanks for your wisdom and compassion. Now that I’ve returned from my family visit, I look forward to reading what you’ve been writing.
A courageous 2016 to us both!
January 5, 2016 at 4:35 am
Good to hear you are back and doing well. I’m glad you got to see your sister and that she says you are looking better. I hope you actually ‘feel’ better. Cheers 🙂
December 30, 2015 at 1:46 am
Praying peace will guard your heart Christopher.
December 30, 2015 at 1:50 am
Sending positive vibes to you, Christopher.