Psalm 19
a song for when I’m terrified

In the middle of the night I
Had a heart attack and
I survived which are two

Things infrequent that is
To have the attack at night
And to wake up

I wasn’t scared then just
In great pain a pain I
Could not identify since

My heart had never been
A doctor’s concern so

I waited for it all to go
Away the pain the stone I
Felt upon my chest I even
Tried to go back to

Sleep and nothing went
Away things got only worse

I tried to count off what this
Might be bronchitis pneumonia
Or simply being too tired from
The semester’s work

The famous ache you see was
In my right arm not the left
So I knew it could not
Be that even though it

Was and as the sun was rising
I heard noises in the hall
Crawled to the door and opened
It and croaked a request to
Whomever in the hall

That could they there were two
Dial 9-1-1 for me and even had the
Presence to suggest this might
Be a heart attack after all

Here’s what I felt though
Through the whole of me in addition
To the pain a sense that I was
Dying and if so that I should
Let it go my tightening scrapping
Stabbing hold onto life

One word came to mind as if
I were hearing from outside
Though I was the only one
There and that word was

I don’t feel that now and take
No present comfort from that word

I think it was evoked to
Make me ready to make me
Less afraid as I felt more
The imminent loosening of this
Life in fact a relenting

It felt sad and serene at the
Same time

I like it here and do not want
To leave but I do think that
That word will come back